Impinged-upon adults come into their initial psychotherapy hour with concerns about their failure to manage life. At this point, patients are usually not yet able to speak directly about their problems. The therapist must attend not only to the words but to tone of voice, emphasis, and nonverbal communication. It becomes the therapist’s job to understand and then to translate hidden messages. Patients usually experience tremendous relief when the therapist is able to do so, and there is no more effective way to build a solid working alliance.

Impinged-upon adults have received some confusing communications from their parents. They are given unconsciously because of the parents’ basic psychological need. These parents do not punish or destroy intentionally; more likely, they are passing on unwritten laws that may have been given to them by their parents. To survive psychologically, these mothers need their children to be extensions of themselves and need to be needed by those children. Therefore, they take unconscious steps to sabotage their off-springs’ independence.

Many of the commands from fathers are designed to support the commands from mothers. The fathers satisfy many of their psychological needs at work, and leave the role of taking care of the mothers’ psychological needs to their children. Since their marriage may often be unfulfilling, these fathers issue commands that request their children to provide some of what is missing.

In this chapter we will consider some of the complex ways in which symbiotic families remain as a unit longer than is beneficial for the individual growth of each member. These interactions cause troubling feelings of confusion, guilt, despair, and helplessness for children.