Download Author: McArthur, Dorothea Ph.D. ABPP

14 eBooks available.

Affirming Changes of Growth: Epilogue

When patients are ready to graduate from the therapeutic relationship, the five statements articulating the presenting problem are now replaced with the affirming conclusions, which represent the working through to understanding and the resultant healthy functioning:

Supporting Literature

Describes the relationship between Borderline terminology and Impinged-upon Adults.

Therapeutic Issues and the Therapeutic Process

Patients and therapists discuss many issues over the course of therapy. They consider present relationships and problems, the presence of commands or myths, past memories of significant others, and the relationship occurring between them.

The Patient’s Relationship with the Therapist

In addition to the working alliance and transferential relationship, impinged-upon adults must be allowed a real relationship with their therapist that encourages and guides the birth of a whole individuated self, separate from family.

Impinged-upon Adults’ Relationships with Others

  • THE ROLE OF CONSTANT ANXIETY
  • PSYCHOSOMATIC SYMPTOMS
  • THE STANCE OR POSTURE OF IMPINGED-UPON ADULTS
  • RELATIONSHIPS WITH OTHERS FEEL UNEQUAL
  • PATIENTS’ REEVALUATION OF THEIR RELATIONSHIPS
  • PATIENTS’ CONFUSING PRESENTATION OF THEIR CAPABILITIES
  • PATIENTS’ RELATIONSHIPS WITH THEIR OWN CHILDREN
  • THE PRESENTATION OF A CREATIVE SELF
  • THE SEARCH FOR A PARTNER

Commands Given by Impinged-upon Adults

This chapter examines the way in which impinged-upon adults try to compensate for their incompleteness by developing their own set of commands to give to other people. Many of these impinged-upon adults have managed to enter a profession but remain burdened with a sense of confusion and guilt. They are aware of their talent, on the one hand, but on the other, they feel insecure, guilty, and angry about their lack of support for success.

Separation Issues and Process

During the course of psychotherapy, patients change their view of their parents. First, patients lift the denial surrounding the pathological interactions sustaining enmeshment. Then patients see, for the first time, the limitations that result from the maintenance of a close family. Patients then recognize the commands and myths, feel anger, see why their parents imposed such restrictions on the family, and gradually turn to the task of repairing the incompleteness within themselves. This chapter explores the step-by-step change in thinking and feeling necessary for the birth of a self.

Presenting Problems

Impinged-upon adults come into their initial psychotherapy hour with concerns about their failure to manage life. At this point, patients are usually not yet able to speak directly about their problems. The therapist must attend not only to the words but to tone of voice, emphasis, and nonverbal communication. It becomes the therapist’s job to understand and then to translate hidden messages. Patients usually experience tremendous relief when the therapist is able to do so, and there is no more effective way to build a solid working alliance.

Commands Given to Impinged-upon Adults by Mothers

Impinged-upon adults have received some confusing communications from their parents. They are given unconsciously because of the parents’ basic psychological need. These parents do not punish or destroy intentionally; more likely, they are passing on unwritten laws that may have been given to them by their parents. To survive psychologically, these mothers need their children to be extensions of themselves and need to be needed by those children. Therefore, they take unconscious steps to sabotage their off-springs’ independence.

Commands Given to Impinged-upon Adults by Fathers

Many of the commands from fathers are designed to support the commands from mothers. The fathers satisfy many of their psychological needs at work, and leave the role of taking care of the mothers’ psychological needs to their children. Since their marriage may often be unfulfilling, these fathers issue commands that request their children to provide some of what is missing.